I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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