i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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