So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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