dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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