She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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