we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
