She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
