my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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