hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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