i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
