I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
