So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize