I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
