You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
