he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
