I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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