I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
