Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
