help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just cropdusted the office
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
