i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
