Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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