my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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