My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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