YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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