I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
