Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
