Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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