jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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