Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
