Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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