so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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