Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
