I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
