Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
