So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
