R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
