This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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