How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
