This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
that's an acceptable place to lick
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
