It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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