Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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