Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just pee around me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
