He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
