In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you traded sex for a burrito?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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