WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
