Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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