WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
