so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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