i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
