trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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