R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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