I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
