hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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