everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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