I got chris browned last night
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
