i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
